Aging

“Dying, what a great deal”

But growing old, oh, growing old”

Brel didn't have the chance to grow old; tobacco abuse took its toll. I smoked, reasonably I would say, and I'm in good shape at 70, unlike my relatives who were once heavy smokers and who, like their smoke, have sadly vanished forever.

My view of old age is heavily influenced by that of my parents—which is to be expected, you might say, as genetics plays a dominant role in aging, and I've witnessed this long process firsthand. My mother is still alive at 95, and my father died at 93 from COVID. However, both began struggling with dementia around the age of 80. They always recognized me, which made our encounters all the more enjoyable, but nevertheless, they both ended their lives in a senior living facility with their faculties significantly diminished.

Their case is not exceptional; life expectancy is constantly increasing. It is estimated that 25% of people who have passed the age of 65 will reach 95. But, and this is a big but, 25% of people who reach 85 suffer from dementia; this figure rises to 50% at 90 and 75% at 95. The Jeanette Bertrands of this world are therefore the exception. Dementia is looming, and when the baby boomers reach these milestones, it's going to be complicated. It's coming faster than we think, in five years, and we're hardly talking about it. Dying is no longer a pleasant experience, and we must adapt accordingly.

To get back to my perspective on old age, I was fortunate enough to retire at 60, and my plan was to enjoy it until I was 80, 20 years from now. If I'm still healthy after that, it'll be a piece of cake, as they say. I just turned 70, so I'm halfway there. Time flies, very fast, believe me. But I've certainly made the most of it; check out my website to learn more.

In fact, to get back to Brel, the idea is to stretch the distance between bed and armchair as much as possible before finding oneself from bed to bed, and this applies to physical, cognitive, and emotional levels. Yes, emotional, because growing old also means becoming a caricature of oneself, and when it comes to caricature, I know a thing or two.

This round-the-world trip is about stretching that distance, while remaining within my comfort zone. I find travel and distance easy, but I must remain vigilant so as not to succumb to loneliness. I'm far out at sea, but I keep the shore firmly in sight.

The biggest lesson I've learned from these first 10 years is to seize opportunities as they arise, at every level. At my age, it's highly likely they won't come around again, or I won't be in good enough shape to grasp them. I, who tend to put off any unpleasant task, do the opposite for things I enjoy. It keeps you young. I encourage you to do the same, because even if you stay put, you can stretch on a small mattress, or even in bed, to conclude with a quote from Brel.

In his later years of lucidity, my father confided in me that he had given up voting at the age of 70. “It’s not up to the old people to decide the future of the country, it’s up to those who will have to live in it.” The Brexit situation proved him right; the older generation decided to leave Europe while the younger generation wanted to stay. They are now caught with this choice of those who are slowly dying. My father spent his life observing and commenting on current events through his cartoons. And while he rarely spoke about himself, it was a great pleasure for me to discuss politics with him. He was a keen observer, and his predictions often proved accurate. His decision to stop voting was all the more surprising.

Letting young people make decisions is also central to supporting the elderly, and I've often had disagreements about this, because there comes a point when people with dementia or simply cognitive impairment no longer have the judgment necessary to make good decisions. Good decisions being relative, for whom—the person or their family? In agreement with my family, I had to make choices my father didn't agree with. Even stubborn as he was, he adapted, and these changes proved positive.

This brings me to my own personal theory about heaven or hell at the end of our days. It's clearly stated in the Bible: at the end of our days, not after our days. We age as we have lived, and most people end their lives wisely, adapting to the loss of their abilities—heaven. On the other hand, those who have lived badly age badly, bitter, cantankerous—hell. It's important for loved ones who must care for them not to be drawn into this abyss themselves, lest they find themselves in the same pattern. They must care, but with the necessary distance; it's too late for the person being cared for. The caregiver must think about their own future and that of their other loved ones.

Growing old is a fine thing, which I wish for us.