Nous étions guerriers, once were warriors

While Brel inspired my first destination on this world tour, the film *Were Once Warriors* inspired my second stop. This New Zealand film made a deep impression on me when it was released and has remained etched in my memory like few others. I rewatched it, and its power moved me deeply once again—a real Hoka moment.

It illustrates, with a wide range of emotions, the downfall of an Indigenous people, the Maori, following the loss of their territory, their ancestral homes, and their submission to the new occupier, their authority, and their religion. A situation very familiar to what we experience in Canada. Drug addiction, physical and sexual abuse, suicides, and fetal alcohol syndrome reach stratospheric levels there.

We owe a debt to these peoples whose ancestral territory we occupy and must show humility in our relations with them. There has been progress, we must acknowledge that, but there is still a long way to go.

The aspect that particularly resonates with me in this film is the portrayal of masculinity. The warrior is the quintessential masculine stereotype, and it lies dormant within each of us boys.

Near us, I learned that the myth that the Mohawks don't suffer from vertigo, which supposedly allowed them to build all those North American high-rises, is false. Rather, like brave warriors, they learned to master their fears and emotions. It's an extreme form of what most boys are subjected to: not crying, remaining impassive, holding back, being strong. That's what I experienced too. I belong to a generation where boys and girls grew up separately in elementary and then middle school. Peer pressure was intense. At home, fathers were absent or silent except in cases of serious misconduct: "Wait until your father finds out..."

This male dominance has had, and continues to have, perverse effects; it is estimated that over 30% of girls are victims of sexual abuse by a close relative. In recent years, I have been in contact with three women who are victims, and the trauma is profound. Despite intense personal efforts, the wounds remain not only within them, but also within their daughters and even their grandchildren, whose futures are compromised on various levels. Severe trauma is passed down from generation to generation despite intense efforts to extinguish the flames.

The conditioning process for young boys is effective, and by constantly suppressing our emotions, we eventually become numb to them. We become frozen. I witnessed this firsthand during a long therapy session with a psychologist sensitive to this issue of fathers who were taciturn and absent from the home, which was the norm at the time.

Thankfully, things are changing. We live in a society where conflict is giving way to collaboration, where expressing emotions is valued. But we men find ourselves helpless in this new world. Many adapt and break free from this suffocating shell, but many resist. This largely explains the enthusiasm of young men for the far right. They are the ones who brought Trump to power and, behind him, all those parties that challenge our democratic values. Putin is a role model. Femicides are still a reality, shelters for women victims of violence are overflowing, and the school dropout rate for boys is alarming. It's a real problem that we must address. But it's far from easy. A psychologist friend of mine who specializes in working with violent men told me that all those who seek help do so out of legal obligation. We're not out of the woods yet.